| <3Don't Feed Me Lines About Some Idealistic Future</3 |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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[26 Jan 2006|08:23pm] |
 ME AND LAUREN! :)
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[26 Jan 2006|01:06am] |
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O ° \_O
/)(\ u uuu )(\
/ \ | | / \
BEER PONG!
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| Hand Me Downs And Photographs |
[22 Jan 2006|01:01am] |
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this is what you get when you type in angry black man in google images...:
This is what you get when you type in crack addict: 
Creeps: 
trippy:   
 <333
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| You Can't Keep A Secret If It Never Was A Secret To Start... |
[18 Jan 2006|10:29pm] |
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 heart broken |
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this girl is lazy.. but she's fuckin crazy.. she be drinkin hott damn.. you can tell she's a fan.. this bitch rides shot gun, we're out on the run.. hangin out the window goin 50 actin like all this shit's nifty.. don't cry cops or this bitch is OUT faster than a fat chick can do belly drops.. watch 'er with that half gallon cuz she'd be chuggin it like a fellon.. faster than you can say weed.. it's like this girls lifes on speed.. kicked outta school cuz shes cool or does she drool? moms a creep who reminds me of a drunk sheep.. get this girl baked you'll get a cake.. related to busch beer but she rather drink la-queer.. look at 'er go no chaser no fear
Becky's rap about me :) hahah
Ok so about Kevin.. I like him and he's a complete sweetheart to me..but Mandy called me up the other day and said that Shawn and Nate and all of them said that Mark was being so bitchy b/c he was pissed that we broke up.. so naturally I got way to carried away in hoping we'd get back together... idk.. I called him today and left a message.. about the dumbest thing I could've done.
- what if his Dad gets it? He won't tell Mark I called then I'll be left wondering weather or not Marks just ignoring me or if he just didn't get the message..
- If Mark does get it and doesn't call me back I won't know that either so if I call again I'll seem desprete.. ew.
wtf.. idk what to do.. Amber said she was talking to Cody and Cody said that he thinks that if me and Mark get back together it won't be 'till like senior year.. but I'm not going to take that to seroiusly cuz thats Cody saying that not Mark.. but if that is true I'd seriously be willing to wait for Mark for that long, to me it'd be worth it. I'm seriously just as in love with him as ever... it's not even sweet...
</3 fuckkkkkk this.
xSincerlyxYours: haha oh creepy creepy lauren, how I do treasure
xSincerlyxYours: you
xSincerlyxYours: haha
xSincerlyxYours: see I can be equally as creepy
Brand new 564: LOL that was REALLY creepy
Brand new 564: *smiley with foot in mouth*
Brand new 564: i topped u off
xSincerlyxYours: hahahah I got it off a TV show
Brand new 564: with that creepy smily
xSincerlyxYours: oh DAMN
xSincerlyxYours: haha
Brand new 564: whats it DOING?
Brand new 564: i still have not figured that out
Brand new 564: hahaha
xSincerlyxYours: hahhahahah
xSincerlyxYours: its got a foot in its mouth
Brand new 564: LOL
Brand new 564: why?
Brand new 564: nutrional value?
Brand new 564: nutriental*
Brand new 564: or however u spell that
hahah
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| kurts rap |
[18 Jan 2006|03:31am] |
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here comes becky ..right out the fucking window, it was as crazy as a painting from vinsin van gogh..once i relize it was no van gogh..i was way to late.. her ass was already in the snow..u say she is crazy.. and i can say this is true..she hit me with a left hook..cocked it back for all to view..i swear i was seeing stars..or maby blues clues..but i could of sworn i was that drummer from blink 182..i figured with all my bullshit.. my time was pretty much due..fuck that shit..ill dig a hole and fucking burry U..when i end up in D block ..just a thought.. u know..out of the blue..ill write a book or even a review..they'll ask where i burried her and what did i do..fuck all u bitches thats something im not interested in telling to u....Alright ill tell what to do..i think i burried her by some bamboo..maybe even next to a nicky bush kangaroo..they said fuck u kurt..is that the best u can do..try sitting in court in the captial of peru..after that ur ass is going to timbucktoo.. for your motherfucking judicial review..i said fine mother fuckers take me away..i will rise once again but please give me some parrot bay..never mind that shit.is what ill say... i want that shit that i had on new years day..i think his name was Morgan.. or maybe even captain ...all i know is i went sailing and he made it happin.
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| raps |
[18 Jan 2006|03:18am] |
my rap for kurt:
Tatoo on his left.. a joint on his right.. Kurts the one to pull it all night.. he's not gonna bitch out.. this kids got the mouth.. to spit the illest rhymes.. of these high motherfuckin times.. when it come to adderal.. hes the one that knows it all.. he thinks its really fun... to take out his phone and make nikky run.. cuz when she hears the siren... she thinks she gonna be dyin.. so shes pullin on the door.. which is only makin kurt laugh more.. and then shit calms down.. when they pack a bowl for another round
my rap for becky:
half galleon by her side.. the neon is her ride.. she's flyin down the road.. goin 80 in the snow.. this girl is outta control n' crazy!!.. this is why I love her, u kno g?.. her freddy frog is gettin big.. fuck hes the size of that fat fuckin pig!.. look at this bitch go... whats she doin? even she dont know.. becky is one of my best friends.. and ill go down with her ass till the end.. we get fucked up about every weekend... fuck u should see the money we spend.. its crazy shit, she knows her bit.. pass that joint, give her a hit!!.. we pimp the neon out ghetto style.. boom box on top of a pile.. yeah we got tons a priceless times.. im tryin to put 'em into these rhymes.. fuck dude shes hard to explain.. this bitch is fuckin insane!!.. but so am i, it's why we're so tight.. don't get to close, she'll fuckin bite!.. she's sweet as fuck and keeps my ass in check.. don't fuck with her, or bitch u'll be next!
my rap for walsh:
He's a rapper like no otha.. he's kinda like my brotha.. his name is WALSH... yeah sean "money" walsh.. he's sweet as fuck.. he drives a car not a truck.. his name is WALSH.. yeah sean "money" walsh... you'll find him cruisin down the west.. in his bullet proof vest.. cuz he's sellin all the weed.. he's got kids he's gotta feed.. his name is WALSH.. yeah sean "money" walsh.. he a tank when it comes to drinkin.. not so much when it comes to thinkin..his name is WALSH yeahh sean "money" walsh
kurts rap for inman:
she thinks she can play ball..shes just that crazy..she always got the number 10 on the back of her jersey..cant pay her bills so we have to call her..she is a real pimp..and a mother fucking baller..she looks at all the fine girls and tells them to swing by..she also like the dick..holy shit i think shes Bi. hush hush now dont tell the mother..she cant no that she doenst liek the dick..but that she likes the other..she likes that rap..her man is luda..we listen to him all day while we smoke the cronic buda..
kurts rap for walsh:
either way..daddy walsh or big walsh daddy..all the girls love him and call him his suga daddy.that cant get enough of his ghetto gangster ways..he rolls all around and trys to fuckin blaze.. he tells all the cops..fuck you pigs, its just one of those days..buys a big bag..from this kid named dibble...i pick out all the stems and give daddy a little nibble
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| I'd Rather Die than Have to See Your Smile |
[19 Dec 2005|02:00pm] |
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music |
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Charred Fields of Snow- ASL |
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Watch her panic build,
In this pressure confined room,
One drop of sweat,
Equals one less thought of stress;
That cold metal chair,
Brands her arms as she tightens her grip.
Uncomfortable she tries to swallow her guilt,
And she's working so hard,
To fixate two wandering eyes,
Bloodshot as the evening.
Steady breathing, steady breathing,
But those racing thoughts,
Have left her breathless.
She's trying to stomache that regret,
And it's making her sick;
Her nerves are stretched so thin,
Intertwined fibers, ready to snap.
Idea's for a title anyone?
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| Unknown Orgin, is this the comfort of being afraid? |
[17 Dec 2005|07:51pm] |
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lonely |
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And then what?????- Young Jeezy (yeah I'm that gay) |
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Wow. Last night was certainly quite fuck up as fuck. Becky came and picked me up later that night..we drove to Meijers and met up with Jake (who I haven't seen in like 3 years?) and drove out to this party on 36th street somewhere? There were SO many people there! Like sooooooo many! It was sweet as fuck. This one really drunk kid kept hitting on me and he would NOT stop. I was gettin pissed.. me,Becky, and Kurt went into the bathroom and chugged some Tatoo!! Oh yeah, Captain does it every time baby!! I was FUCKED up.. it was beautiful. I ended up leavin w/ Zilla and Becky.. Zilla was trying to hold my hand and shit on the way to Kirby's so that was pretty much not sweet. When we got to Kirby's the power was out but we just played pool and me Jake Becky and Kirby sat in Kirby's bed.. I made out with him... I kind of love that kid though. Me Becky Kirby and Jake left and went to Becky's house (picked up Justin Hewitt on the way).. when we got there nate gadge, eric masters, and some of his friends were there. Hung out there for like two minutes when Kirby's mom showed up in her driveway screaming and shit. So Kirby pretty much left and then Becky's Dad kicked everyone out so me and Becky "gave Justin a ride home" but just went to Erics with everyone else and got even more trashed. Nate and Justin were boxing (nate was kicking the shit out of him) and then nate and eric started boxing and idk.. I had a bunch of Peach Shnopps.. yumm. I remember watching Nate Gadge play acoustic for like 20 mins haha I thought it was hot as fuck and that combined with how good he was at boxing resulted in my newfound desire for him. haha We went to the Bailey house, I rode with Eric and Nate.. and we waited for Becky and all of them to get there and then when they finally did they ran across to Jake's house and tomatoed his car so we all had to leave right away and didn't go in. Went back to Erics house and I don't really remember all of what happened but I know that Eric threw me in the snow b/c I tried to box him and then started calling him a bitch and then I started crying? Yeah I don't know.. but me and Becky left, went back to her house ate some beef bean burritoes and passed the FUCK out. Woke up in the morning to hear that my parents were coming to get me at like 11.. I was like ohhh shit.. cuz I just kind of took off the night before and didn't say if I was coming back or not or where I might stay haha but my parents didn't really give a shit. We drove to Meijers and I waited in the car while they went in (I was wearing my new sweatpants that Becky gave me and didn't want to be seen haha) So I just listened to music for like 30 mins. then we went home and I ate a LOT of food. Watched TV, sat around, and slept all day and idk what I'm doing tonight.. if anything. Dirty's having a huge party I guess and Becky's gettin trashed at Justins house so idk.. I think I might just sit at home. My parents went to a X-Mas party so I'm stuck home alone and I'm kind of really lonley :( Idk.. I'll probably just call someone or something. Who knows.
xSincerlyxYours
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| I'M HIGH |
[16 Dec 2005|08:55pm] |
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 high as FUCK |
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to my ears |
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hello LIVEjournal.
I'm with Matt and James and stuff and i'm in a big furry coat and matt is like a little girl screamin and youlin pain. DAVID BLEW UP. Thats what James said. He hit a minefield, he's the only one that survived. ok ok. lets get PHYSICAL.
Big tooth big tooth
your hurtin like like the slooth
I'm kididng like you mooth
CHooth chooth carple winged wotth
BECKY BECKAayyy
uM. you know what. I need to get the phone. and go smokemore. so be
right
back
stay tuned. for the next espisode.
there is no such thing as an espaton.
I need more weed.
Respect brotha.
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| There's nothin left 2 say.. I haven't talked in days..& I'm not sure what I sound like anymore |
[15 Dec 2005|07:07pm] |
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UnderOATH |
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Ok so I'm fucking my life up. I know this. Do I want it like this? No. Then why do I do it? Please tell me, b/c I have no fucking clue. I'm not dumb I know not going to school is only hurting me and my future. I plan on going to school every night before I go to bed, but come morning I just don't get up. "It's your choice, if you wanted it bad enough you'd do it, it's your responsiblity, blah blah blah" Yes I've heard this thousands of times. I'm not denying that it's my responsibility in anyway, and I know it's ultimatley my choice.. but if I want to go to school, and I want to get good grades, and I know it'll only do me good, and I have no problem with school then why the HELL would I be choosing not to go? I'm choosing TO go but it just... doesn't happen. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, obviously something. I know it doesn't make sense for me to say that I'm choosing to do it but then I don't but that's what is happening. I don't know... I don't fucking know anything anymore.
FUCK THIS.
Well at least we all know that if you need anyone to fuck something up, I'm your girl!...
It seems like there's not enough hours in the day either... seriously it just seems like the day starts, and then it's done before I do anything. It's so fucking frustrating..
Actually everythings so fucking frustrating. I'm just one big ball of stress right now.
I
think
I'm
going
to
explode.
xSincerlyxYours
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| -It's Never Safe To Rely On Borrowed Time- |
[12 Dec 2005|10:18pm] |
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Skulls- Misfits |
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I'm deleting everyone off my friend's list since I haven't been on livejournal in forever and half the people probably don't even have livejournals anymore.. so if you want to stay comment.
<3
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| †.Planned Perfection, Sought in my Dreams.† |
[11 Dec 2005|06:57pm] |
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Tiny Cities Made of Ashes- Modest Mouse |
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Oh man do I ever miss you, Livejournal!!!!!
I think I may have to take up upating you again.. hmm. Damn I wish everyone had livejournal instead of xanga. Livejournal is so much sweeter. Fuck fuck fuck.
Ok well I've developed a horrid sleeping pattern. Went to bed at four in the morning last night, and slept, quite literally, all day. Oh jeez.. now it's almost seven and I have about 3 days worth of homework to do in 3 hours. Well that is simply not going to do.
I've also gained a lot of weight, it's the most disgusting EVER. I always had a problem with thinking I was too fat normally when I weighed 100, I thought that was obscene.. 98.5 (or under) was the only weight I was comfortable with. I was actually down to like 94 for a while, that made me way happy. Ok well latley I've drifted up into the... oh God this makes me want to puke up my insides just writting it.. but into the 104-105ish zone. Yeah I know like 99.9% percent of you are sitting there just being like "Wow you need to shut the fuck up right now" but I don't think you understand how much 1/2 a pound actually means to me. You'd be really suprised. I know it has to do with my depression, but the thing is that my depression has always made me loose the weight not gain it. This needs to stop right now. Ok.
Wow it's so much eaiser to write in Livejournal! Everyone reads my xanga all the time so I can't really write anything that I actually want to say. Ok livejournal, I promise to start updating you more. This kind of put me in a better mood.
I need to go start my homework.
<3 Nikky
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| Words Remain......................My Only Escape |
[26 Jun 2005|09:13pm] |
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Blood Pigs- Otep |
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Mark and I broke up today.. I'm not sure how temporary or permanent this is. The last few weeks there have been so many unresolved fights and things seemed unable to be fixed, so everything just kept getting worse. I was with him last night and things are always almost perfect when I'm with him and we never fight.. but then today things just were bad again. It seems like he doesn't care about a lot of things, but I can tell he still means it when he tells me how much he loves me.. just he used to be really good on getting all the fights worked out and resolved but now he just seems to be blowing them off so they stay unfixed, and that builds a ton of tension and just.. bad stuff. Today when I said I wanted to break up he cried for a while and tried to get me not to and everything but then after a little while he just kind of seemed to except it, like he wasn't even going to try and fight for it, like it wasnt worth it or something.. he was like "Will you still at least call me?" So yeah I hate how he just excepted the fact I wanted to break up instead of showing me he really does care by fighting for it. Things have just been so horrible latley, and we both know it. He still tells me that he wants to grow up and marry me and have kids with me and grow old with me but I tell him thats never going to be able to work if things keep going the way they are. I think that his Dad not letting us hang out is a big part of it because I can barley ever see him, let alone have him be there for me when I need him.. like I want someone that when things get bad at home I can just leave and go there, or they'd come to me, and just hold me because that would seriously makes things better for me, just to feel his touch and be in his arms when things are bad.
So as of now we're not together and I don't really know whats going on.. I'm still scared of calling him even though his Dad shouldn't be mad since we aren't going out anymore. I don't know. All I know is I NEED him.. he is everything to me in every way and even if this is just temporary and stuff its KILLS me and literally breaks my heart to be away from him like this.... I just feel like sitting down and bawling my eyes out until theres no more tears to cry. Plus I don't think he believes me that I love him because he's always thinking I'll leave him for another guy, which I know is just Mark being insecure, which is why I tell him time and time again that he needs to get some kind of medication to help with depression, or counseling..I need him to KNOW I love him unconditionally forever and NOTHING could change that.This is all so horrible, Mark and I are broken up, my Dad is gone, and my sick bitch of a mother is acting exactly how I thought she would when Dad gave her money and then left. Three more days until he gets back........ cant wait. I don't know what to do anymore with me and Mark I really don't, when I try to think about it my mind just goes completley blank. I feel like if you compared our relationship to a computer, it would be so choked and full of virus's and shit that it could barley turned on.. so I just need to get rid of it all........ but I
just
dont
know
how.
And its killing me.
K I L L I N G ME.
Something needs to happen, and soon... I'm just not sure what.
</3 </3 </3 </3
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| Breaking Hearts Has Never Looked So Cool |
[20 Jun 2005|10:24pm] |
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At.The.Drive.In. |
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Wow.. I definatley missed livejournal.. a LOT.
Ok so from now on I'm using this for my thoughts and things.. not a run down on my week. So I got my drivers permitt to drive with my parents today and I was kind of shocked into realizing how old I'm getting so fast. This must be how my parents feel all the time.. and I don't like it.
I miss being little and making statements regardless of peoples feelings because your too young to even think of that, and then having everyone think its cute and laughing.. and I miss playing with things, and then having people think it's cute that your playing with things. And I miss thinking wild thoughts with no logic or point, and I miss being so spontaneous and having it be ok because "she is only little, she didn't know". And I miss having everything around me feeling so safe, and figured out because I don't have to make any decisions, and I miss not knowing anything about the world because I was too young to have to think about it so everything seemed very secure and like it had always been there, permenit, and its solid and for sure.
But now the world is a scary place, everything seems so temporary and thrown together by the government in an attempt, almost like a hope, that it will make things work out. And things are just getting worse, the world is being destroyed from pollution, people are so careless and selfish, I have to make all my decisions for myself all of the sudden and I just miss everything always being so.... innocent and carefree. I miss it a lot.
But I am lucky to have Mark, we're still together and nothings changed, I have every intention of staying with him until we can get engaged (his idea) and I think if I try and be a better person and not think so much about myself that it will be very very possible, and I'm going to work really hard on that because I love him with everything I am and I would throw my life on the line for him any day. Ok.. wow I'm really glad I wrote in here.. its really refreshing from xanga where everyone I know reads it so I can't put everything like this in there.. it'd just be weird. Ok so I think I'm done for now.
Mark I <3 you more then lifej
<3 Nikky
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[15 May 2005|10:25pm] |
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I'm Melting- The Used |
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I love Mark so much I honestly really do. We've been going out for about a 1 year & 8 months and things have only gotten better and I just love him more and more each day. In health we're learning about "infatuation" and "love" and when I read about the differences it seems almost like a checklist when I read the parts about love because it completley applys to us and literally describes our relationship which makes me so happy. I don't like to think about a future with him because it seems childish to set myself up for dissapointment but I'm really confident that we can do this, and I'm not an easy believer so this means something. He makes me so happy and I can be so open around him and just.. be me. He's the reason I get up in the morning I love him so much and I'd do anything to make him happy. It's amazing I found a guy like this and I know how lucky I am, and I try so hard not to take him for granted. When I see romance movies and all the girls are sitting there saying "I wish I had a guy like that" or "I wish someday I will be able to find a someone to treat me like that" I'm sitting there smiling because Mark does all those thing, and I DO have a guy like that and a really gorgeous good hearted one that trys with everything he has to make me happy. I KNOW I don't deserve him and I have no clue why he puts up with me but I love him so so so much. I can go to sleep knowing how lucky I am to have him and thats a good feeling to fall asleep to.
Mark sweety my <3 belongs to you and ALWAYS will, no one can change that.
xSincerlyxYours
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| Blood Is Spilling Everywhere... |
[30 Apr 2005|08:39pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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Helena- Misfits |
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Yeah so my weekend has pretty much sucked.
I'm feeling a lot better today because I took a ridicoulus amount of medicine followed by about 16 jalapino peppers. I thought I couldn't taste anything but I was wrong. My mouth burned for about an hour.
Tomorow is my last day to get better before school. I'm so out of energy and everything that I think I'm just going to go downstairs and watch a movie or something.. yeah that sounds good.
Hope your all doing better then me :)
xSincerlyxYours
Finished Reading: Kissing Doorknobs, Doing It
Currently Reading: Monster
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[29 Apr 2005|07:33pm] |
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music |
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I Miss You- Blink 182 |
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I
feel
like
shit.
Leave a msg on my cell to make me smile. I wont pick up, don't worry. Promise.
(Yea, I stole Amanda's idea)
616 901 6685
xSincerlyxYours
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kissofbliss101's journal
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